Dragons She Bears: 02 Paper Hearts and Pointy Things
by natsora
Summary: Most would welcome letters from home but not Trevelyan. A letter from family brings memories past to the surface and when she breaks, Sera is there to pick her up again.


Paper Hearts and Pointy Things

Tags:

Angst, Cookie making, Family angst, violence against a child, flashback, Established relationship, Comfort

Summary:

Most would welcome letters from home but not Trevelyan. A letter from family brings memories past to the surface and when she breaks, Sera is there to pick her up again.

_Prompt fill for 'Don't let them see you cry' for Suchanadorer._

The paper crumpled easily in Trev's hand. It was just a single sheet of parchment. All it held were a couple of sentences, a signature scrawled on like an after thought and the seal of House Trevelyan pressed into red wax.

She tried breathing through her nose, but it came out like a snort of a bull with anger and hurt barely reined in. The letter rattled and flapped in the wind that swept across the battlements. She had escaped her room to hide away just so she had some privacy to read it. Her room was too open. Everyone knew where to find her. If she was to read it, she needed time and space.

And space she got, up on the battlements, in the most secluded corner, on top of the roof. It wasn't ideal, but it was the best she could come up with when she needed to be utterly and truly alone. The letter had been burning in her mind since Josephine handed to her the moment she returned to Skyhold from a month long expedition. That was just yesterday. Who knew how long the letter had been sitting here, waiting for her?

The letter, despite being only paper and ink, weighed heavy in her hand as she took it back to her quarters, mounting the stairs with trepidation. She placed it carefully on her desk. The sight of House Trevelyan's rearing horse heraldic sent a shiver down her spine. It took effort to turn her back on it so that she could get cleaned up. Despite her efforts to studiously ignore it, she could feel its weight even across the room. There would be nothing good contained in the letter, she knew that much. But expecting something and knowing it were two very different things.

Trev sat on the roof with the letter half read in her hand, slowly crumping in her grip. A few lines into it and already it broke her, mere words wrenched the hurt that laid long buried out into the stinging Frostback air. She sighed, her breath was long, shuddering and suspiciously wet.

A lump formed in Trev's throat as her eyes grew wet and hot. She blinked angrily. "I will not cry, I will not cry over this," she growled under her breath. "I'm not a Trevelyan, never have been, never will be."

But Josephine had been leaning on the Trevelyan name to make connections and forge alliances with the nobles. Without it, it would have made things so much harder.

Her traitorous lip quivered and shook, she bit down hard on it, tasting iron. Pulling her legs up to her chest, she pressed her head down onto the top of her knees. It was all she could do to keep from sobbing.

"So that's where you are!"

Trev stiffened and quickly brushed the tears away. The voice was familiar, loud and altogether too near. She didn't need people to be around her now. She needed time to pull herself together before she could be Inquisitor Trevelyan again.

She didn't to look to know who was approaching. Sera didn't have a quiet personality and that's what Trev liked about her. She was loud, she was here and she didn't care what anyone thought about it.

"I've been looking for you everywhere," Sera called out as her feet stepped onto the tiles, navigating them with ease. "Why are you hiding out here? Got some cookies and don't want to share, yeah?"

Trev remained silent, swallowing hard to keep the lump down. The letter was crumpling into a ball in her tight grip.

"Inky?"

She hunched further into herself, hiding the letter like a child with a stolen fruit. "Sera, I need a little privacy," she managed but her voice broke at the last word.

Sera approached, her footsteps more forceful now but just as sure. She sat down next to Trev, bumping her shoulder and bending over to try and catch a glimpse of her face. Trev kept her face turned away, one hand still furiously brushing away those horribly ugly tear streaks from her face.

"Why are you crying?" Sera demanded. "Who did this to you? I'm going to fight them, stick an arrow up with fucking arse. Who is it?"

Trev let out the sob she was holding in, willing the tears to stop. She knew no good could come from the letter, but maybe with her being Inquisitor, things could change. It was a vain hope.

"Inky, please don't cry. Here I'll share a cookie with you."

There was some rummaging. And a hand snaked out to tug at her arm. Trev knew there was no way Sera would leave her alone, not when she had never seen her this way before. So Trev relaxed her arm and the arm clutching onto the letter was pulled into view.

"Shit, no!" Trev turned, trying to withdraw her arm.

Sera's eyes narrowed, keeping a tight grip on Trev's hand while the other was holding onto a half eaten cookie. "What is this? A letter, yeah?"

"Sera, no. Please."

"No, Inky. This letter is what needs an arrow in its arse yeah?"

Her jaw tightened, ready to storm off if she hadn't trapped herself on a roof. But Sera just being protective of her. She shouldn't take her hurt out on Sera.

"Inky, you're sad. I don't like it when you're sad. You never cry. So I want to help. Like the spirit boy, yeah? But I help with sharp pointy things."

She took a shuddering breath, forcing her fingers to uncurl. Then she nodded before hiding her face away. Sera took the letter out of her hand and stuffed the cookie in its place.

The paper crackled as Sera smoothed it out. She read by sounding the words out loud under her breath, soft and quick. Sometimes skipping over words to come back to it again, other times reading them wrong, but Trev knew Sera got the gist of the letter because what started as a low mutter became a harsh growl.

It didn't take long before Sera shrieked. A wordless cry of fury one that Trev hadn't the strength to utter herself.

"Who are they?" Sera demanded. "Trevelyans? They're not family! Family don't do stabby knives into your back."

Trev nodded without looking up.

"They don't do shit like this! They are right fuckers that need some new arseholes punched into their butts." Sera squeezed her shoulder. "Look at me, please look at me."

She lifted her eyes, dried tears making them all gummed up. Against the blue sky, Sera's short blonde hair glinted bright and fierce. Teeth bared and her smile feral, her words snapped with a force not meant for Trev. "They don't deserve none of these, yeah?" she gestured at Trev's face, brushing her hands over the tears, wiping them away. "If they don't think you're a Trevelyan and shat on all the good you've done, then the Big Man Above should put boils on their faces!"

Her hands cupped Trev's face, squeezing them a little. "You will always be my Inky and I don't care what your family name is. I know you're my Inky."

Trev bit her lip and tears well up again. "Sera, thank you." She unfolded herself and wrapped her arms around Sera.

For a while Sera was all stiff and rigid, she hastily pulled back only to be stopped when Sera's arms held her fast. The physical contact eased the ache in her chest in a way Trev couldn't put into words. She wished she could stay up here on the roof with Sera forever and forget about the Breach, the Elder One and all the troubles of Thedas.

"Inky," Sera whispered, her nose brushing against Trev's ear. "Do you want to bake new cookies? The one I gave you is no good for this sad."

Trev made a sound of surprise before nodded. "Ok."

* * *

Inky was quiet. Her hands were as busy as her mind. Sera could almost hear her thoughts buzzing through the air. So Sera filled the space. She had lots to update Inky about. The latest gossip from Herald's Rest, the comings and goings of Dorian and Bull with much off-colour jokes interweaved into her suggestions and observations. And of course stories where big people were laid low by Red Jennies. She stole glances at Inky from time to time. Inky was listening she was sure, cause Inky was never so rude to ignore her, never ever. She wouldn't have liked Inky if Inky was an arsehole.

Inky nodded at the right places, grunting in agreement or made noises of surprise but never speaking. Sera frowned. Making cookies should be fun, it had always drew Inky from whatever foul mood she was in. But Inky was sad, this was different. It's not that Inky was never sad, she was many times, after Haven, after finding out about Maddox and many other times. But this time it was different, the sadness was heavier, it stank of old grief.

Inky was kneading the dough, the muscles on her arms rippled under her skin. Any other time, Sera would be happily admiring those corded and tight sinews. But she couldn't just let Inky sit with this sour sorrow.

"Done," Inky announced. She put the dough aside allowing it to rest. "Do you know where the chocolate is kept?"

Sera smiled. And as Inky turned her back on her, searching for chocolate, she pick up a fistful of loose flour from the board and threw it at Inky.

Inky stiffened and whirled around. Her eyes flashing, irritation chasing away the sadness for a brief moment. They softened once she saw Sera with a fistful of flour.

"What are you doing?" Inky asked, reaching up with a grimace, brushing floor from the short stubby pony tail she had her hair in. "You got flour all over my hair."

Sera didn't answered, happy to see the sorrow receding even a little. Instead she throw the flour she had in her other fist, shrieking, "Flour fight!"

Inky's eyes narrowed and Sera knew the fight was on. She hadn't been the sub-captain of a mercenary group before becoming the Inquisitor without knowing a challenge where one came up and threw flour in her face. With a growl, she lunged.

Inky regularly wielded a double handed blade, her shoulders and arms where large for a woman of her size but when unburdened by a heavy weapon, she moved quickly. Sera yelped as she caught a face full of flour, coughing and splattering. The dog and the fox, the hunter and the hunted, they swapped positions over and over as they ran around the kitchen, flinging flour and butter, tossing bowls and utensils.

The door to the kitchens banged opened and a voice bellowed, "What is going on here?"

Sera stopped, her hair and half her body had turned white from the flour. Inky's black hair was practically grey now and she was usually tanned skin covered in a layer of white flour.

The cook strode in and jabbed a fingers in Sera's direction. "You asked me for use of the kitchens and I should have known better!" She turned, finger leading the way and stopped short when she realised it was the Inquisitor before her. "Maker's breath, your worship, I didn't know it's you. Forgive me, please… continue your activities."

Before Inky could apologise, because that's what she always did unlike Sera who was all ready to flee, the cook escaped, shutting the door behind her. Sera laughed, "That's a good fight. Do you want to continue?" lifting up the eggs in her hand.

Inky shook her head. "I think we should clean up the mess."

She pouted but placed the eggs gently back into the basket she found them, keeping up an endless litany of how they should have continued and find out who would have won. Inky chuckled and shook her head. "There won't be a winner, but only losers. Cause we'll have to clean up the mess and we're only wasting food."

Sera stuck her tongue out but conceded the point. After they cleaned up, Inky started forming the individual cookies. Once the trays of cookies were placed into the oven, there was nothing to do but wait. They sat sit by sit near the oven, Sera leaning against Inky's solid shoulders, enjoying the warmth coming from the woman that captured her heart. The heat, the lull in activities was drawing her to sleep but as her eyes were sagging…

* * *

It was almost peaceful. The flames danced, the dough baked and her muscles sore but in a good way. Trev knew what Sera was trying to do. Distraction, diverting her attention away from her hurt and sadness. And it worked. But in the lull, in the silence, it always crept back. She'd need some time as she gather all the splinters and shards with bleeding hands to lock them all away again.

Sera was as different from her as it could get. When she wasn't happy everyone knew about it. Sorrow turned to anger and pranks ran rampant through Skyhold. Eventually tempers flared and they'll send for the Inquisitor. She would coax the true reason from Sera and lance the poison from her anger. Maybe she should take her own advice. Maybe. If only she could gather the words and shove them through her lips.

She sighed heavily. Trev felt Sera stiffened beside her. She was holding still as if stalking a skittish deer through the woods, as if one false move the prey would flee. Well, Trev figured she's the prey in this case. Would she flee? She shouldn't because she's safe. This is Sera, if she couldn't confess her pain and hurt to her love, who was there to accept them?

"Do you know about my ear?" Trev asked, her hand reaching up to touch the notched left ear. A small portion of the apex had been sliced off.

"Something, something angry drafflo and a competition?"

Trev chuckled remembering the bullshit story she spun for Varric. She shook her head, the motion displaced Sera's spot against her shoulder and she reached out to hold Sera near. Sera made a soft noise of satisfaction and clung onto her arm.

"No, that was a lie."

"I knew it," Sera replied triumphantly.

The soft laughter faded and Trev steeled herself. It's an old story, but the scars still felt as fresh as if it had happened yesterday.

"I…" she started, words spluttering to a stop. Clearing her throat forcefully, she tried again. "You know the letter had denounced me, refused to acknowledge that I'm the Inquisitor or the Herald. But mostly it refused to recognise me as a Trevelyan."

"Those fuckers!" Sera growled. "I'm going to poke them with arrows."

Trev tightened her grip on Sera's hand. "Thank you."

"But they're right."

Sera's breath hitched and she frowned, pulling away to look at her. "I don't care. You're my Inky."

And the tightness across Trev's chest eased a little. Only Sera could accept this revelation wholeheartedly.

"I'm born I am Natalia Trevelyan. Eldest child to Lady Trevelyan, my mother but not Lord Trevelyan. He is my stepfather." The notch in her ear ached, she had rubbed at it too hard and too long. The skin was all red and raw. Sera tugged her hand down and held onto it. "My father… I don't know my father, but I've heard the whispers, I knew what the servants told me. My mother had taken a liking to a man from a passing Dalish clan and I am the result of one night of passion. My grandfather couldn't have his only child, the heir to House Trevelyan, bear a child out of wedlock. My mother was forced to wed my stepfather."

Sera drawn her hand up and kissed her knuckles.

"You can imagine how my childhood went being the unwanted evidence of a dalliance unapproved and forbidden. Well I didn't know better till my younger half siblings came along. My grandfather passed and all hell broke loose. I was no longer part of the household. I'm kept away from everything. But thankfully I was trained in arms. Then one day, my step father was drunk and he," her voice broke and trailed off. A whimper escaped her lips as memories rose to press hard against the back of her eyelids.

"I was just ten. And I had an elf ear on the left side. He pinned me down and cut it off. He cut my ear to…" A sob ripped through her throat. She could feel it still.

The knife aimed for her ear missed on the first try, digging into her eyebrow and face. Blood poured from the slice. The blade flashed again, glinting off the sunlight streaming in from the open window. Against the plush carpets, the mahogany furniture, the shelves of rare and expensive books lining the walls, she struggled and screamed. Arms too small to fend off a full grown man, a man she was told over and over again she had to obey lest she lost her place in a home that didn't want her. The knife came down again, this time her step-father had pressed her face against the carpet, holding her still as he took the sharp tip from her elf ear. It was then the door burst open, guards and servants rushing in to find her bleeding and trembling on the ground while the lord of the house held a blade dripping with blood.

Years passed and still the fear was fresh, the anger of being helpless, the impotence of her position in her family stayed with her. Trev sobbed and shook. Trapped in the memory, unable to pull free on her own.

"Come back, Inky. Come back to me," someone called. A familiar voice, a pair of hands holding her safe. "Please come back to me, Trev."

She flinched and her head jerked. She found Sera with her hands around her face. "You're back, you're back," Sera wailed with relief, pulling her into her hug.

Trev blinked hard to shove the horrible memories back into the locked box of things she never wanted to revisit again. "I'm back, sorry if I scared you," she whispered hoarsely. "I've not done that in a long, long time."

Sera whimpered and breathed wetly, pressing her face into Trev's shoulder. "We should get them. We can't just let this go. Pointy and sharp things can help so much yeah? Poke them hard, stab them good."

"But we can't, Sera," Trev sighed, pressing her free hand against her temples. "Josephine needs to lean on the Trevelyan name to drum up support from the nobles."

"I bet Josie has all sort of shit on your shit family. I bet the scary Nightingale can find more if Josie doesn't have enough. If not, I can send the Red Jennies after them. They won't get away with this."

Trev just tightened her hands around Sera. She was too wrung out to think about it.

"You're special, Inky. You're half elf, half human but you're all Inky. You're my lover, my special Shiny, Tadwinks, Teetness, Buckles, Honey Tongue," Sera finished with a kiss against the notched ear.

And she relaxed against Sera. "Thank you," she snuggled closer. "What will I do without you?"

"Badly I think. I keep you safe from assholes with my pointy arrows."

"That you do, that you do," Trev whispered against Sera's shoulder. "I love you for that."


End file.
